Sunday, January 16, 2005 | 10:58 PM
another sunday?
today started off with a swollen eye when i woke up early in the morning at 7++am.. stared into the mirror.. pondered a while "shld i go to church now or later?".. den after a few minutes of consideration, i decided to take the latter choice..
eventually i reached church, eye still swollen.. horrible.. haha.. a typical service went past.. den came jym.. prayer time was as usual but there was sth different today.. ryan shared abt sth deep in his heart.. i could felt it though, it seemed quite strong.. he mentioned abt some of the ppl in jym will have to go to hell if we continue to live life as we wished.. indeed, it is true.. but i am wondering how many ppl really heard wat he said.. its a bit disheartening.. really.. however, it was a short sermon tt struck me.. struck me deep.. cuz i m also wondering if i cont to be disobedient, prob God wont allow me to go to heaven too.. haiz..
seriously... yest i wrote sth down.. this is wat i wrote..
Why does God still treat me so good when I am so
disobedient?
Why? Its sth which everybody cannot seem to fathom. Things done
wrongly yet were forgiven. How great is God's love, forgiveness and grace? Why
do I still continue to defy Him? Sometimes I wish the wrath of God will attack
me, but I know and He knows tt i will not be able to take it. Isn't it?
Why?
i have been thinkin.. everytime abt my christian walk life.. esp the one i wrote for my assignment for psych.. i wonder if i m still consider a christian as ryan mentioned.. everytime God spoke to me, whether is it in sermons or friends or pastor talking, i will just shout "SHUT UP!".. in front of God's face.. WHAT AM I DOING? I M MAD!!! how many times have i gone thru tis phase of life.. it keeps repeating itself.. n i keep defying God.. i am seriously either crazy or mad.. i had really wished God's wrath will strike me? i dunno.. i wonder if dying is better as uncle henry mentioned today whether we are prepared to die.. anytime man.. (selfish as it seems, it really sounds selfish cuz i just want to escape, escape from trying to follow God's word but still failing n nv being able to pick up n be obedient) WHAT AM I DOING?
i m seriously fed up with myself.. either i m not trying hard enough or wat.. i did ask God to help me, i m not doing all tis by my own strength.. but the fact tt i keep failing seems to imply tt i m doing it on my own strength.. so wat izit.. i keep praying but keep failing.. maybe i didnt pray hard enough.. is tt it.. cannot be.. haiz.. fed up!!!! seriously, drained.... urgh..
side note: just now, i went down to the optic shop wanting to collect the lenses but alas, its not ready yet cuz i forgot to go down n check.. diaO.. rmb the left-lenses-went-into-the-sink incident, i told the salesgirl.. n she gave me another left eye lense free.. wah.. good sia.. so blessed..
oh ya.. another thing i must say.. i m super blessed to have law.. if dun have him ar, i think i will truely despaired with all the misery n nonsense which i m facing in church.. i thank God for him.. sometimes i wonder, if dun have him ar, i had prob just fade off from the face of the earth.. the importance of him made me realise how fortunate i m.. n i thank God for tt.. so i will not be disobedient and i shall cont to pray.. n ppl out there, pls pray for me too.. :D
thinking thru again.. prob i m trying to run away, escape from the horrible truth tt i m disobedient. unwillingly to let the Holy Spirit do its work in me.. WHY AM I SO IDIOTIC? I HATE MYSELF... i cannot come to terms myself.. difficult.. really difficult.. THIS IS KILLING ME TO THE CORE!!! AH!!!
Sunday, January 16, 2005 | 10:58 PM
another sunday?
today started off with a swollen eye when i woke up early in the morning at 7++am.. stared into the mirror.. pondered a while "shld i go to church now or later?".. den after a few minutes of consideration, i decided to take the latter choice..
eventually i reached church, eye still swollen.. horrible.. haha.. a typical service went past.. den came jym.. prayer time was as usual but there was sth different today.. ryan shared abt sth deep in his heart.. i could felt it though, it seemed quite strong.. he mentioned abt some of the ppl in jym will have to go to hell if we continue to live life as we wished.. indeed, it is true.. but i am wondering how many ppl really heard wat he said.. its a bit disheartening.. really.. however, it was a short sermon tt struck me.. struck me deep.. cuz i m also wondering if i cont to be disobedient, prob God wont allow me to go to heaven too.. haiz..
seriously... yest i wrote sth down.. this is wat i wrote..
Why does God still treat me so good when I am so
disobedient?
Why? Its sth which everybody cannot seem to fathom. Things done
wrongly yet were forgiven. How great is God's love, forgiveness and grace? Why
do I still continue to defy Him? Sometimes I wish the wrath of God will attack
me, but I know and He knows tt i will not be able to take it. Isn't it?
Why?
i have been thinkin.. everytime abt my christian walk life.. esp the one i wrote for my assignment for psych.. i wonder if i m still consider a christian as ryan mentioned.. everytime God spoke to me, whether is it in sermons or friends or pastor talking, i will just shout "SHUT UP!".. in front of God's face.. WHAT AM I DOING? I M MAD!!! how many times have i gone thru tis phase of life.. it keeps repeating itself.. n i keep defying God.. i am seriously either crazy or mad.. i had really wished God's wrath will strike me? i dunno.. i wonder if dying is better as uncle henry mentioned today whether we are prepared to die.. anytime man.. (selfish as it seems, it really sounds selfish cuz i just want to escape, escape from trying to follow God's word but still failing n nv being able to pick up n be obedient) WHAT AM I DOING?
i m seriously fed up with myself.. either i m not trying hard enough or wat.. i did ask God to help me, i m not doing all tis by my own strength.. but the fact tt i keep failing seems to imply tt i m doing it on my own strength.. so wat izit.. i keep praying but keep failing.. maybe i didnt pray hard enough.. is tt it.. cannot be.. haiz.. fed up!!!! seriously, drained.... urgh..
side note: just now, i went down to the optic shop wanting to collect the lenses but alas, its not ready yet cuz i forgot to go down n check.. diaO.. rmb the left-lenses-went-into-the-sink incident, i told the salesgirl.. n she gave me another left eye lense free.. wah.. good sia.. so blessed..
oh ya.. another thing i must say.. i m super blessed to have law.. if dun have him ar, i think i will truely despaired with all the misery n nonsense which i m facing in church.. i thank God for him.. sometimes i wonder, if dun have him ar, i had prob just fade off from the face of the earth.. the importance of him made me realise how fortunate i m.. n i thank God for tt.. so i will not be disobedient and i shall cont to pray.. n ppl out there, pls pray for me too.. :D
thinking thru again.. prob i m trying to run away, escape from the horrible truth tt i m disobedient. unwillingly to let the Holy Spirit do its work in me.. WHY AM I SO IDIOTIC? I HATE MYSELF... i cannot come to terms myself.. difficult.. really difficult.. THIS IS KILLING ME TO THE CORE!!! AH!!!
Hello.
So do you wanna know more about the person who created this blogskin? by detail? check out.
The title had crossed my mind to do an entry because there's a question from variety peoples always asked the same things. I collected the questions since i was a small kids until now. The "question" is always same. So, i would like to share it with you. I also include about my blog k.
Your blog is really nice, how did you do that?
Actually, i always change my theme because i am a person who havva very quick feeling of boredom.
I cannot make things permanently -certain. I was at random when viewing others people blog on tumblr. I said T U M B L R only. So if their theme makes me attracted, i will make them as inspiration. Tadaa!
You looked pretty, are you mixed blood?
Haha. Yes I am (and i wonder how they know i was
‚ñß.‚ñ® ). People notice that by looking at my face (totally) and the way i talked?? LOL. Okay, my late grandfather (beside my father) is a
Thai. His family comes from Pattani, Thailand. But then my grandfather's family move to Malaysia because of several problem. My grandpa is a pure Thai,, naahh.. no wonder i love thai foods so much while my sister love to watch Thai's movies.
Furthermore, my late grandfather (beside my mom) is
Java people. Pure also. About his family background, they came to Malaysia to trade -Business :P
Why did your nose had a freckles?
This question is always asked by people since i was a small kids. Got answer above, i stated all there. Im mixed. stfu.
What kind of products did you use?
Hah this question lagi laa... Actually my face wasnt a flawless like a baby's skin. I do had a pimple problem when i was thirteen years old, but now not again. I just use the face cleanser -Shurah. and Mycin to prevent the pimple. Its pretty good.
What's the brand of cosmetics that you used?
For skins, i used Simply Siti. It's much better and very soft. Others like eyeshadow, lipstick, eyeliner, mascara and etc, i used L'elan Vital, include Simply Siti too.
What is you real name? and your real name is better than Lala. Why did you change that?
...........Five years ago, -at class.
Me: What do you think about a nickname? Any suggestion?
Classmate: Your name A-dil-la. So how bout we're take the last term. "LA" (doubled 'em)
Me: Lala?? Haha.. oh yah sure. I like it so much.
Classmate: But Didi also okay
Me: Nooo.. it sound like a boy's name !
Me: Okay okay.. Call me Lala start from now
Got it? Five years ago, no one named "Lala" in my school (SMK Rawang) but nowaday, double middle fingers up to them. I hate when people's nickname same as me. Grr! Certain people didnt know my real name. They know me as Lala :3 I dont use my real name because people always get wrong when spelling my name. I hate that. Just Lala okay.. Dilla (my real name) is only for family called and friends from ex-SK Taman Selasih.
Are you a die hard fans of pink?
Definitely!
----P/s : Maybe thats all. You can ask me on formspring. ‚ô´ Fiction....fiction... by Beast.
-Please remove this nonsense. It was just an example.
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