pissed
well.. i m seriously pissed with Lawrence.. irritating pest..

he gave flowers today cuz i mentioned sth abt me still liking joshua and i was depressed.. den he go buy flowers.. u may think its very nice hor.. but it reminded me of that jerk GZ.. jerk.. haiz.. pathetic.. i hate guys.. stop talking to me.. any guys out there.. get out of my life..

i choose not to get attached now.. maybe i wont get married.. den i will be quite happy.. serving God.. without these irritating pests.. urgh..






hahhaha... photo taken by someone.. ha.. so ugly.. but funny so i have decided to post it up.. :D 



life is short..
ha.. inspiration..

life is short. cherish what you have. know or not?

got it.. stoopid me.. ha.. i feel like playing game.. hmm.. feel like watching vcd.. i so restless.. haiz.. ha.. boliao entry..

finally completed my stoopid philo essay.. more to go.. :( ha..




abit siao siao liao
laziness sets in.. dun feel like doing anything... feel like sianing.. y ar.. strange.. it always happens when mr L. nv talk to me.. tis is weird.. maybe it will be better after a few days... hate it..

thought abt it already.. no more talkin abt u know who here.. irritating... disrupt my life.. n not to mention tt he said i was insensitive n selfish.. will always keep tt in mind to check on myself.. haiz..



sadness...
to you know who:
sorrow.. a mistake.. went to PS just now.. thought abt the first date.. memory gate opened n consumed me like drowning.. almost choked.. teared.. in a daze.. reach the bus stop.. rmb the nite of stars hanging on trees.. rmb the LOVE statue..
sorry.. not very successful.. tried.. my fault.. shldn't have gone PS.. forgot..




ha... funny...
specially to jon:
eh... u think i dunno u got read my blog ar.. ha.. dumb dumb... just tell me la.. i dun mind one.. well just want to ridicule u on my blog.. not happy.. just too bad.. hahah.. anyway.. got read den drop some comments or tag also can leh... like tt can make me happy.. hahah.. next time dun betray yrself so easily k.. hah..

philo:
philo tutor ernest kam wrote a super long reply to my post and outline. ha.. not bad.. actually he quite nice.. i thought he was intimidating.. well well.. good good.. can write to him more.. still have to complete my essay.. urgh.. dread.. still got 2 more philo postings.. dying..

work:
at least managed to finish my jap studies thingy.. now still stuck with philo.. wah.. wah.. wah..

others:
actually nobody reads my blog.. so sianz.. but let so many ppl know den defeat the purpose cuz den i cannot really write wat i feel.. restricted to wat i want ppl to see.. not good. not good.. hah..

to ppl out there:
pls tag sth or write some comments.. i m bored.. just write crap i also dun mind.. thanx alot.. ha.. it will help a lot ar.. ;D

own thoughts:
i feel pathetic once again.. trying to erase the image off.. trying ar.. dun say i nv try.. kk.. :D happy happy.. let us all be happy.. yay!!!

christmas is coming.... whoohoo... diving coming too... n youth camp... wah... yay!!!




another day...
well well.. today is saturday.. so fast one week has passed.. tons of work plying up..

got to write my philo essay... complete my japanese studies project essay.. urgh... boring.. oh ya... need to blog in 3 philo postings.. ah.. God, grant me strength..

i still love uni life.. uni is fun but... got work to do.. ha..

do you believe in angels? hmph.. wonder if i m too busybody or wat.. but i really hope mr. L and his ex will be together.. weird.. but its so hard for both ppl to come together n love each other.. just bcuz of some stoopid crap.. actually its not stoopid.. but things can work out well if only... if only.. he didnt give up..




dead
did sth terribly wrong just now..

went to intrude into someone's privacy.. looked at his msg history.. so wrong.. haiz.. so sorry, mr. L. didnt mean it.. couldnt help it.. tempting to find out who tis mysterious woman tt u used to love.. who is it.. mysterious indeed.. envy her.. he shld be with her.. they are meant to be together.. help her, God.. only YOU can perform miracles..

love hurtz.. where r u.. joshua..




tons of stoopid work to do...
:D

r u reading this? hmmm... i wonder...

haha... work... a load of essays to complete.. headache man.. urgh.. how i wish i can get out of this mess.. hahah.. hope tt God will grant me strength man.. my body is aching from the netball that i played yest.. cant really move well.. leg is healing.. toes bruised.. ha.. how bad can it get.. thank God that my nail didnt break.. or else i will really faint..

hmmm... i really wonder if i shld forget him.. izit one-sided.. its so pathetic.. so so so pathetic.. i'll think abt it again.. i think i will nv be able to conclude.. so sad..




realization
i guess things really cannot be forced. no matter how u forced it. but i hope one day i will get to know why. thanx for the beautiful memories. :D




i just rmbed sth..part 2
recollection 2:
rmb the times when u were very angry cuz we couldnt watch the movie tt u intended to watch.. i knew u were very angry.. but i became angry instead.. tt was really stoopid.. i didnt know wat to do.. i feel so mao3 tun4.. its like i cant do anything to make u feel more happy.. tt is why i got angry.. sorry k.. oh ya n i rmbed the most drama thing.. u grabbed my elbow when i went to buy food.. i knew u were trying so hard to make me feel better.. but stoopid me.. got tis terrible temper.. haiz.. n u still gave me back money.. i wanted to return it back to u.. really wanted to..
there were many things i wanted to do den but i didnt.. cuz i probably thought i was in fantasy land or sth.. nv believed got such good person exist.. really.. haiz.. regrets..

i think i'm probably terrorising u or sth.. hope u understand.. need to fa xie.. but i think it will keep repeating la.. i cannot move on.. if tt is wat u want.. cont not to tell me the reason.. i m not tryin to force u to say k.. but it sounds like.. give me a crap reason also can.. if u just realised tt i m nt for u.. den just tell me la.. its not like i cannot accept.. i think ya la..




msg to joshua..
i tried to forget.. but i cant.. sorry..




the pining for someone remains... part 1
i miss joshua

dunno why.. again.. such feelings keep repeating.. i dunno how come i can keep thinkin of him when i dun even see him at all for the past 9 months.. do u think its possible.. how ar.. i cannot even comprehend myself.. really cannot.. is tt really love or just "die die also dun wan to forget".. trapped.. trapped in this mentality..

haiz.. why.. why cant joshua just tell me the reason why he avoided me.. anything.. even a crap reason i also can accept.. he just dun wan to say leh.. do u know how irritating tis can be.. urgh!!! maybe i guess tis is why i cannot forget him.. die die also cannot forget.. i can just burst out of tears thinkin abt him.. thinkin why i didnt do more to keep him.. why.. it always seems like my fault.. i miss the times tt we were together..

recollection:
rmb the times we went to east coast to spend last day of the yr together.. just sittin by the beach, listening to the waves n feeling super exhausted.. maybe u thought it was boring.. but to me.. it was probably the most romantic thing tt ever happened.. tt was the first time..
rmb the times we sat at the bus stop outside park mall the whole night after our first date cuz i insisted that i dun wanna take a cab.. n u "tahan" with me thru the whole night.. entertaining me.. tried really hard to think up of all the things u can do to make me feel happy.. i remembered the tree at the bus stop.. stars were hanging on the tree due to the christmas decorations.. i said i wanted one.. n u immediately wanted to get it for me.. tt was the most touching thing any person did.. really.. probably u didnt how much it meant to me.. little things count..
rmb the times on christmas day, u were bored n u had to go back to camp.. i came out to accompany u.. we sat at the lips cafe.. talked.. accidently talked abt the wrong thing.. u seemed sad.. i regretted talking abt it.. but u were always so considerate.. u nv rebuked me.. always so considerate towards me..
rmb the times we went to teh sushi to eat.. tt was the first time i ate at taka.. u ate alone.. n i watched u eat.. u offered me to eat yr food.. so sweet.. we saw yr fren.. i rmb u talked abt how yr fren were tricked into believing tt the present u n yr frens gave him n nearly called the police.. u told me a lot of things.. yet i didnt tell u anything much abt myself.. but u still tolerated..
rmb the times we went to the rooftop garden at suntec.. tt was the first time i ever saw tt place.. it was beautiful bcuz u were with me.. u always were with me.. always so willing to accompany.. but i nv really thank u.. but i really really appreciate it very much.. really..
rmb the times when u always had to take cab home alone.. i didnt do much.. i m very sorry.. i really hope time will reversed.. i will nv make such a mistake ever again.. i dunno how to thank u enough.. u made me feel like a princess..
rmb the times when i argued with ya over the lie u made.. sorry to make a big fuss.. tt was bcuz i placed a too high expectation on u.. im sorry tt i didnt forgave u there n then.. i admit i was petty.. really petty.. sorry..
rmb the last time we met.. the last time.. u were with yr brother.. at nydc.. on the bus home.. u dropped halfway.. u paid for all the things we did together.. yes, i was selfish.. i wished i knew.. no one treated me tis way b4.. how do i know how to react.. i was really dumb, i feel.. time cannot reverse itself.. *heart aches*
rmb the last time u scolded me on the phone for being insensitive n selfish.. this always keeps me in check.. thank u for the 1 mth plus time tt we were together.. u made me know wat is "xin4 fu3".. thank u..

i dunno whether i will sent u my blog page.. but if i do.. do tell me wat u feel.. pls.. for once..






4 guys... whoohoo!!!... (from left to right: Mr L. , Robert, Jaevis n Dennis) Dennis handsome hor.. but the hair so puffed up... hahhaha... so funny... 





me n Mr L. so funny the face... keep frowning... as usual.. hahah... 



does it really matter who i like now?
Come to think of it... i'm sort of crazy... watch korean show just to make myself sad.. siao...

just now i watched the vcd that lawrence lended it to me. "stairway to heaven"... wah... super sad man.. evil stepmother n stepsister.. urgh.. love that cannot be reconciled cuz of lost memory.. typical korean show.. but still so sad to me..

reminds me of JOsh.. u know him? the guy tt will sacrifice his time for me.. haiz.. stop thinking.. i m going crazy... im really going crazy now... super depressed mood now... esp after watching korean shows.. haiz..

i'll upload some photos that we took in tioman... super funny...

i think my emotions r not stable now.. not time to write it down..




afraid wat the outcome will be...
Mr L has been thinking.. that was wat he told me.. I was afraid that he will think too much.. too much is not too good.. but its good to think.. probably he will think it will be over for us.. who knows.. he has been thinking for like 2 days only.. to me.. like very long leh.. i realise tt i have been idling.. tt is why... ha..

wat do i want ar? i was really feeling very upset just now cuz he like so upset like tt.. i msg him so many times, he only replied twice telling me tt he still thinking, dun wan to say the wrong things.. so it doesnt look like i got much choice right.. haiz... let him think lor... really hope he wont be upset la.. haiz.. i feel super bad la.. i think its just empathy or sth like tt.. haiz...

"love taught me to lie. life taught me to die..." wah.. i shldnt be listening to such sad songs... so sad... weixiang la... send me such msgs.. dotz...





dunno wat to do man...
great!!! now Mr L doesnt even want to talk to me at all... great.. now i got one more enemy on my list... urgh... tt is nothing i can possibly do.. haiz.. urgh.. dunno whether to forget it or wat... urgh...

frustrating... wonder wat's wrong with me.. ain't tis wat i want... siao cha bo...
haiz...