a flood of thoughts n emotions...
this morning, i had 2 papers.. philo n jap studies.. urgh.. suppose to be gd one u know.. but den.. i realise tt the essay part of jap studies i didnt answer the qn correctly.. suppose to be write in terms of perspective but i didnt.. n tt is the crucial pt la.. haiz.. well well.. marks just fly away.. haha.. watever la.. haiz.. i cannot do anything although i quite depressed.. hmmm.. haiz.. forget abt it.. still got history n jap lang.. wah.. worrisome.. God, i will leave it in yr hands.. :D i will do my best for the rest of the papers, God.. :D

weird.. weird.. u know wat.. i thought of joshua again.. but tis time i think its getting worse.. i m actually subconsciously unknowingly like wat joshua likes.. for instance, the peanuts book that i borrowed from wei xiang.. then after borrowing den i realise.. "eh, doesnt joshua like snoopy?" oh no i think i going crazy.. unless i rmb wrongly.. den nvm..
after sch.. was at the bus stop, bus 105 passed by. i almost wanted to board the bus cuz it can reached joshua's house.. wah.. i m so dead.. must be the stress.. lol.. den i met the cogs ppl at the coffeeshop b4 our mtg at cogs.. den i saw the ikea plastic n the squash racquet.. must things tt i see get associated with joshua.. wat is tis.. i rmb tt time we went to ikea n ate meatballs.. nice nice.. :D den hui juan n sarah took out the hot dog bread to eat.. den i recalled joshua was eating it tt time at ikea too.. den the squash racquet that joshua likes to play too.. although he likes soccer n tennis more.. :D
at the mtg.. caleb n joel have to mention abt joshua.. had to mention tt i wasnt paying attention to the last night.. tt i was lookin at joshua the whole time.. n i had to tell those 2 dumb dumbs tt he wasnt there at the last night.. ha..

haiz.. i guess the mind works in a funny way.. u have to clear the past memories in order to allow new memories to form.. but i cant bear to part with those memories.. really.. so nice n sweet.. haiz.. think too much.. brain cells dying.. :D anyway.. its coming to an end.. its reaching almost one yr by 30th of nov.. tt will be 1 yr away from the time i knew joshua.. i think forgeting will probably be easier.. soon i guess.. n i also dun think anyone can replace joshua in my heart la.. so i will wait for everyone to fade away.. 3 yrs is not tt long.. i must endure..

oh ya abt lawrence.. haiz.. sad.. i dunno wat m i suppose to tell him when the exams are over.. i really think the rumour n bullshit should really stop.. i dun mind them keep saying both of us.. but its doing severe detriment to law.. its unfair.. get it.. haiz.. he will always appear me to be a stranger.. nothing more.. cannot go on further.. stuck.. (joshua's image will appear, cannot get over him) i cannot be so selfish.. get it.. cannot.. i will put a stop to it.. n BASIL.. u better dun stop me, but u shld help me.. know or not.. n JANICE.. u shld also help me too.. or else haiz.. he will be very sad.. its my fault.. n STOP saying tt we are going to be together.. its NEVER going to be possible.. i got obstacle.. HUGE obstacle n xin li barrier tt is very hard to overcome.. only time can cure.. so after 3 yrs.. den talk to me abt relationship.. or else dun say anything.. thanx for everyone's coorperation.. :D i will tell him myself.. i must.. must rmb..

forgot to add this bit in.. and abt the philosophical stuff i thought of abt the kissing joshua thing.. i think it wont work cuz i realise i also manage to forget the previous guy becos i met joshua.. so unless i meet someone better.. or else i can forget abt forgeting joshua.. tt is my presumption.. just trying of ways to reason out how i m going to forget joshua.. well well.. who can be more boliao den me.. ha.. :D