the pining for someone remains... part 1
i miss joshua

dunno why.. again.. such feelings keep repeating.. i dunno how come i can keep thinkin of him when i dun even see him at all for the past 9 months.. do u think its possible.. how ar.. i cannot even comprehend myself.. really cannot.. is tt really love or just "die die also dun wan to forget".. trapped.. trapped in this mentality..

haiz.. why.. why cant joshua just tell me the reason why he avoided me.. anything.. even a crap reason i also can accept.. he just dun wan to say leh.. do u know how irritating tis can be.. urgh!!! maybe i guess tis is why i cannot forget him.. die die also cannot forget.. i can just burst out of tears thinkin abt him.. thinkin why i didnt do more to keep him.. why.. it always seems like my fault.. i miss the times tt we were together..

recollection:
rmb the times we went to east coast to spend last day of the yr together.. just sittin by the beach, listening to the waves n feeling super exhausted.. maybe u thought it was boring.. but to me.. it was probably the most romantic thing tt ever happened.. tt was the first time..
rmb the times we sat at the bus stop outside park mall the whole night after our first date cuz i insisted that i dun wanna take a cab.. n u "tahan" with me thru the whole night.. entertaining me.. tried really hard to think up of all the things u can do to make me feel happy.. i remembered the tree at the bus stop.. stars were hanging on the tree due to the christmas decorations.. i said i wanted one.. n u immediately wanted to get it for me.. tt was the most touching thing any person did.. really.. probably u didnt how much it meant to me.. little things count..
rmb the times on christmas day, u were bored n u had to go back to camp.. i came out to accompany u.. we sat at the lips cafe.. talked.. accidently talked abt the wrong thing.. u seemed sad.. i regretted talking abt it.. but u were always so considerate.. u nv rebuked me.. always so considerate towards me..
rmb the times we went to teh sushi to eat.. tt was the first time i ate at taka.. u ate alone.. n i watched u eat.. u offered me to eat yr food.. so sweet.. we saw yr fren.. i rmb u talked abt how yr fren were tricked into believing tt the present u n yr frens gave him n nearly called the police.. u told me a lot of things.. yet i didnt tell u anything much abt myself.. but u still tolerated..
rmb the times we went to the rooftop garden at suntec.. tt was the first time i ever saw tt place.. it was beautiful bcuz u were with me.. u always were with me.. always so willing to accompany.. but i nv really thank u.. but i really really appreciate it very much.. really..
rmb the times when u always had to take cab home alone.. i didnt do much.. i m very sorry.. i really hope time will reversed.. i will nv make such a mistake ever again.. i dunno how to thank u enough.. u made me feel like a princess..
rmb the times when i argued with ya over the lie u made.. sorry to make a big fuss.. tt was bcuz i placed a too high expectation on u.. im sorry tt i didnt forgave u there n then.. i admit i was petty.. really petty.. sorry..
rmb the last time we met.. the last time.. u were with yr brother.. at nydc.. on the bus home.. u dropped halfway.. u paid for all the things we did together.. yes, i was selfish.. i wished i knew.. no one treated me tis way b4.. how do i know how to react.. i was really dumb, i feel.. time cannot reverse itself.. *heart aches*
rmb the last time u scolded me on the phone for being insensitive n selfish.. this always keeps me in check.. thank u for the 1 mth plus time tt we were together.. u made me know wat is "xin4 fu3".. thank u..

i dunno whether i will sent u my blog page.. but if i do.. do tell me wat u feel.. pls.. for once..