久しぶり
It's fascinating how I finally found the blog posts that I wanted. Like in 2008.

I was really trying my best to find the things that I needed. Remembering how I first got into Japan. Especially Kobe.

This May, there is a Christian gathering in Kobe. How exciting! I pray for God to move mightily. :)



Life in ywam
Life is well, not bad. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. My mood swings from left to right upon the turn of weekends. I have no valid reasons for why is that so. I just wanna know if it's really what I want. Or really what God wants.

Haven't been thinking about Ben. But often do think of him when weekends strike. So strange.

Keeps swaying between working for the kingdom versus working to keep myself afloat. Finance, scrapping through or feeling like a breeze. Not much to fear seriously since I'm alone. But do I really wanna be alone all my life? Partner or no partner, choose to trust? Difficult? Highly. I've no answer.

I'm just blabbering. O God, why am I so flippant?

Yesterday, I really felt her pushing my buttons. I also felt him pushing my buttons. All I can say is I choose to say that please stop pushing my buttons and God, help me!



Start of something new
Honestly, I feel sian. My life is sian. Uninspired. Cause all my life I only wanted one thing. 



pathetic
Honestly, I'm pathetic. I feel pathetic. And I act pathetic.

Stalking him on fb. Whatsapping him continuously. Even bought him a mask n put inside his mailbox.

I'm honestly pathetic. Sianz. My love life sucks. Big time.



Perplexed?
In the course of events that have unfolded for the past 1-2 months have led me to be very confused. 



The one
Who is the one? Have you ever wondered? Is there such a thing as soul mate, I asked myself.

Is there such a thing as fate? Two people meet each other and fall in love. Is it so difficult? Is it so difficult to just stick to one partner and be together for life? Is it so simple?

I find myself asking too many questions which I cannot reply. I wish God will send someone easier. I wish God will just zap me when I do something wrong. I wish things were simpler. I wish I knew what the end is.

If there was one thing I was very sure of, that is him coming into my life. I wish his life wasn't so complicated. I wish he thinks I'm the one. I wish to get married to him someday.

How to love unconditionally?



Love?
Haven't found someone for a very long time. Want to rush into things as usual but didn't.

Continuing to trust in God and wait on Him.





Zombie
Can't sleep. That is something very usual. It happens all the time. I don't really call it insomnia either. Because I sleep most of the day away. My normal hours working friends can only meet me at night anyway. Hence, I sleep in the day.

Been going out with mo mo ren. Great hanging out. All criteria met except one or two. Still don't know why i'm still hesitant. Don't know what is wrong with me nowadays. Think it's age catching up. A very strong desire to settle down. Lame.







Of frustration, impatience and angst
If it isn't frustrating enough tt I need to look for a new job. I wanna have sth exciting n challenging. But getting down to work out my résumé is killing me slowly.

And what frustrates me more is tt I need to meet my friends. Correction. I do love meeting my lovely friends. Which is worse. Cuz then I really have no time to write my resume and job search. I wish things were simpler. Just that no time to write my stuff.

And missing miyamae Kun very muchie!! Is there anyway to make it better?

2 Tim 1:7
"For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. "



First time to Beijing
Seriously I've never been to Beijing before. Just like I've never been to Hokkaido before. No one really believes though. Hahahah...

Hence, happy that I'm able to go Beijing this time. Wanted to visit the Great Wall but not a lot of time on my hand, so can only choose to do one thing at a time. We decided to head to the forbidden palace. Coolness. It was really huge.